Reading Didion. . .

Joan Didion and I first crossed paths in 2010. . . It was approximately two weeks before our wedding in Denver, CO. Dr. J and I were there on our first/last vacation before residency staying with family friends in both Denver and Breckenridge. I had gotten it into my mind that I *needed * to see The Tattered Cover Bookstore. Why? To this day I can't tell you why except it promised a large, locally owned bookstore and we all know how I feel about books.

I didn't quite know what I was looking for that day as I wandered aimlessly through the maze of tall bookcases. I had an itching to read something profound, serious and adult. Yet, I didn't know any books that fit the bill that wouldn't put me to sleep. I stood in the religion section and picked up book, after book. Then, I went and stood in the American history/politics section. Followed by the biography section which was followed by the classics section. Nothing was what I was looking for, yet I didn't know what I was waiting to find.

Finally, a title and author flittered across my mind. I set off in search of Joan Didion. At first I couldn't find her books because truthfully, I didn't know what what kind of books she wrote. All I knew was that one of her books kept popping up everywhere. So, I went to a salesperson and asked where to find A Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Within 30 seconds I held the slim paperback in my hands. It wasn't what I expected visually yet it felt right. This was the book I would leave with.

I don't remember opening the book or reading a synopsis before buying it. I didn't open it for the rest of our trip. In fact, I didn't even Google to see what lay ahead for me in reading it.

I opened the book for the first time as the airplane took off that would carry us from CO back to LA, back to a wedding, a graduation and a move.

Slowly I took in the first few pages. . . and cried.

Turns out, it was about her husband of almost 40 years death, and the subsequent year in which she fought for her daughters life while trying to come to terms with life after a sudden death. I can't explain why this book affected me so much. Perhaps, it was because I was about to tie my life to someone else. Perhaps, it had to do with the uncertainty of marriage in this day and age. More likely I was simply the most vulnerable I'd been in a long time thanks to the many life changes that were flying at us from every direction. 

Joan Didion gave me an appreciation for what marriage should be, a partnership between two equally competent people. Granted, few if any will ever have a marriage like hers. She and John Gregory Dunne were both writers who spent their entire lives writing together in some capacity. They traveled the world working on political pieces, scripts and their own fiction and non-fiction projects. Decades of feedback and support. 

Their marriage was unique yet, it's fundamentals were ones we could all learn and borrow from. 

To this day, re-reading The Year of Magical Thinking gives me a renewed appreciation for Dr. J and our marriage. It's not easy everyday, yet there are more good days than bad and the storms we've had to weather at this point have been few and far between. 

My hope is that when the storms of life do come, we will have a foundation that could rival Joan and John's.